The Ghost of Christmas Past
In the spirit of context being all – is it forgivable to be a seasonal mood hoover? Does it necessarily make one a, ‘Scrooge?’ His catch phrase, "Bah! Humbug!" is often used to express disgust with many modern Christmas traditions but not everyone feels anxious about the festivities due to associated ‘reckless’ spending. SO… ghost of past, present or future?!
Back to the cast of characters…
John, my supervisor, fellow therapist, lecturer and Celt, reflector on theory:
“Always present. In therapy, we encourage clients to return to the here and now instead of rumination (the past) or catastrophizing (the future). Besides, he was a fat bastard so that suits me better. Best not think of the kids under his gown though!”
And that’s where we differ…
How do we understand a client’s present if we don't examine their past? Should we not support them in their plans for change? Is the ghost situation like the drama triangle? I think we all move around it.
The ghost of Christmases past; I hadn’t even thought to dread the occasion. It had been some years since mum was well enough to travel up North, after all. However, the first Christmas after she passed away, I was certainly feeling hard done by. I ate my Christmas dinner and went straight to bed for a while. My husband checked on me, my dad checked on me. When I decided to rejoin the party, my father-in-law was in the kitchen (making a brew, definitely not doing dishes). My knight in shining armour arrived in the form of a quiet character who has been subtly contributing to my well-being since I was 17. and he asked,
“Are you feeling any better now, Steph?”
The kindness he doesn’t often express and I didn’t always see was suddenly very clear in a special, if brief, question. I unexpectedly but certainly felt better and Christmas Days have improved. Last Christmas I bought him a mug that reads,
“My daughter-in-law is my favourite child.” We are both extremely smug about this. Not that he’d say so – my mother-in law told me.
The ghost of Christmas past (ish) reminds me of those who are desperately trying to relocate a love of the festive season after a number of bereavements. So, how long before we stop making allowances for those? Well, never. There is no time scale on grief and if Christmas is still triggering, it’s still triggering.
I’d say some of my trickier Christmases involved relatives who stayed for several days… The ghosts of Christmas future would have to be ‘Rob the Joiner’ and Linda Wagner. Neither a scrooge and both huge fans of acts of kindness (expected and unexpected), who would say (respectively),
“If you’re going through hell, keep going,” because, “Eventually, Steph, they all go home.”
