Bereavement, Repose & Egg Sandwiches (4)

The plight of a long-term client hit home with me when a number of relatives/ relatives of friends were lost in quick succession.  One asked a relative,

“Are you going to go and see him?”  Response,

“No thanks.  That’s just you and the Irish.”  My mother bequeathed me a very sizeable Irish family, so here’s my experience:

I was with my mum on countless occasions when I thought she might die and when she almost died.  On the night she actually died, she was alone.  The only option, if I wanted to ever see her face again, was to see her in repose. 

I cried all the way from Leeds to Derby and bizarrely, put on a full face of makeup in the bathroom at the funeral directors. It was definitely crooked but I don’t think she noticed.  I read her my personal eulogy which never saw the light of day again and collected some of her belongings.  I can’t remember if that was before or after I forced myself to read her post mortem (GOOGLE every, second word or hope you know a doctor).  There was nothing untoward.  I walked into that situation knowing.  However, I’d set myself a precedent.

I’d inadvertently taken the Magnus, Magnuson approach,

“I’ve started, so I’ll finish.”  But I wasn’t fully committed.

When Uncle Joe was ill I stayed up through the night with my cousins who were watching over him on a vigil.  I was dedicated to supporting my extended family. I didn’t want him to die until it was clear he was going to and then I wanted it to happen quickly.  For a man who couldn’t bear poor time keeping, he kept us waiting and then missed a very important rugby match.

They keep it quick in the Emerald Isle so I flew out with my husband quickly.  I knew exactly where to find Uncle Joe… or so I thought. 

Where would you keep a reposing body in March?  In the conservatory, obviously.  Colder than all the other rooms.  Should there be a break in the clouds, the perpetual light will surely shine down?  WRONG.  Looking for my Auntie, I waltzed into the living room with a freshly poured glass of white wine (which I was lucky not to drop before my cousins Vinny & Marion came to assist).

SO, if you want to know… dead people are generally the whitest shade of pale you’ve ever seen and they won’t look like you remembered them alive.  You could be forgiven for wondering if you’ve been sent the wrong one. They might have lost a lot of weight if they’ve had a long illness.  If you touch them, they are absolutely stone cold.  BUT – you can talk to them for as long as you want because you kinda get used to it after a minute or two.  Most of all… it’s ok to cry, even if no one else is. 

Everyone deals with grief in their own way.  Overall, I feel privileged to have had those last opportunities.  Most of my mum’s family have observed this ritual all their lives.  I’m still a novice.  But I did surprise myself.  24 hours after almost spilling my drink on my beloved uncle Joe, I was sitting back in the room munching through a tray of egg and onion sandwiches, courtesy of the women of Leixlip and Auntie Mary’s recipe.

Cast of Characters:

L. Mac

Mum & Uncle Joe

Auntie Mary

Cousins Conal, Natasha, Vinny, Marion, Jim & Shane